Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
