she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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