Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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