I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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