I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
