Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
