This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
