Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
