eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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