well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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