So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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