I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
