I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
