Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize