someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
