Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
