Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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