I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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