I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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