on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
