Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
