Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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