Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
