is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
