i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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