It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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