oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
