just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
