We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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