he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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