I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
