R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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