Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
