6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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