I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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