I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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