oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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