Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
