my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
