Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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