i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize