dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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