she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
