life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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