tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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