READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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