yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
