it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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