i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My ass is underappreciated
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
