Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
