Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Someone signed my nipple.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
