Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
