Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
