I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize