we're making bets on your personal life
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Vodka?
Forever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think my moral compass just broke
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
