i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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