The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize