His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
