There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
