it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
