Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
