You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize