Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
