But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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