Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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