Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
