Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
