We're like a lot better than the average bears
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
