I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
