the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How external is "for external use only"?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
