They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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