Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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