When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize