Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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