it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
