Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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