Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
