Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My dick has a subreddit
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
