evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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