like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
