Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
