he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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