I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
